Thursday, 21 November 2013

When your child isn't as nice as you'd always hoped.

Issy is NOT one of these I'm afraid.

I have a nasty feeling Issy may not always be a lovely child.

I don't think the situation is as dire as last year when I thought she called another child a name commonly given to a small sightless burrowing animal.   You can read that harrowing story here.

But sometimes she's not very nice.

Example 1.

Two weeks ago she came home with a new Beanie Boo.  Now a Beanie Boo (BB) is a smallish stuffed toy with freakishly large eyes. They are the current Kindy and Year 1 craze.  Girls and sometimes boys are frequently seen sitting in a circle, BB's in laps, discussing their various attributes, changing their names umpteen times and inventing role plays.

Sounds nice and lovely doesn't it?  Unless you:

a. Don't have one.
b. Have one but want two.
c. Have two but want three etc
d. Have a pink one but want a blue one.
e. Have a bear but want a dog/turtle/cat...
f.  Have one but left it at home.
g. Have one but your Mum stole it to wash it because it's disgusting.

In any of the above cases, playing with BB's is a cause for angst, agony and a lot of whinging at home.  So much that any existing BB's are at great risk of ending up in the bin.

Issy has one white (now a nasty grey) BB.  When she came home with another very similar BB (even down to the dirt) I was surprised.  She assured me her friend G had said she could have it for the whole night.  So the new BB slept over and went back to school the next day.

I had reason to be up at Issy's class that day and happened to see G.  I thanked her for letting Issy borrow her BB for the night.  G, who is not a shy child, said crossly to me.

"I DIDN'T say she could have it for the night.  I SAID she could just have it for the afternoon and she took it ANYWAY."

Oh dear.

I apologised profusely, said it would never happen again and confronted Issy that afternoon.  She looked suitably sheepish.  She said she would apologise the next day.  I reinforced the importance of listening to your friends and not just doing what you want all the time.

I don't think she listened.  I think as far as she's concerned, what she wants to do is right and fair and good and other people and their feelings are just pawns in her game of life.

Example 2.

It's mufti day at school.  She picked out a very conservative (for her) pair of flowery board shorts and a blue tshirt to wear.  She is very conscious of the sun safe rules after many, many arguments over tank tops and dresses when she was younger.  At the last minute, disgusted by my desire that she wear runners, she put on a pair of cowboy boots and a denim jacket.

You know, even at 6 years old, that kid knows how to rock an outfit.  After years of fashion fear and faux pas of my own I am totally enthralled by her ability to dress.

Up at school her good friend T was wearing a beautiful long stripy flowing dress.  Issy would have been jealous because it was beautiful, and exactly the kind of dress I would veto.  It really was beautiful.  The other thing she also noticed and announced to me in a loud voice was that it was a tank style and therefore not sun safe.  I told her it didn't matter and she wasn't say a word.

Of course she did.  As soon as my attention was diverted I saw her swan up to T, and say something.  T, who up until that point had been laughing and playing, visibly slumped.  Another friend took her hand and they went to sit near their bags.

Issy the biatch strikes again.  Goodness knows how she actually phrased it.  I dread to think.

You know that feeling when you've made an effort and you're feeling pretty, and someone says something totally deflating.  We've all felt it.  I just watched someone feel it.

Even at 6.  It's possible.


Looking at that smile, you wouldn't think it possible...

I am devo.

Over I went, grabbed her arm and took her straight to T and made her apologise.  T, who is quite spirited herself, took a while to come around.  But she is a good sport and they were friends again by the time they went upstairs.

I need to get across to Issy, that if you do that sort of stuff to people, after a while, they stop forgiving you.  They'll find a friend who builds them up not brings them down.  They'll find a mate who listens instead of ignoring their wishes.

She's only 6 and she has a good heart.  I really don't think she sees how hurtful she can be.  But she is so touchy herself when her siblings tease her.   A classic case of happy to dish but can't take.  

I'm her mum and I love her so, but if these are just two incidents I've seen, goodness knows what she's getting up to when I'm not there.
One thing I know, I had a tough time at school, and I'm not going to EVER let my child be the cause of another kid's tough time.  I can see some battles ahead.