Monday, 4 June 2012

10 Ways I Fail As A Model Housewife.

Just so you know, this list barely scratches the surface of my inadequacies.

1. My favourite tupperware item, is not tupperware, it's Decor.  And it's not even mine.  It was left at my house by someone and I can't remember who.  And even if I could, they're not getting it back.

Just don't be asking for that Tupperware (sorry Decor) back, whoever you are...

2. I don't iron, anything, ever, no matter what.  Mike's shirts go to the dry cleaning.  Everything else hangs on a hanger and I hope for the best.

3. Actually I do iron.  I iron hemming tape.  On Sarah's skirt hems and Joshie's trousers.  Which leads us to point 4.

4. I don't sew.  I can't.  And don't tell me it's easy, because it's not.  It's really hard and tedious.

5. If a child is wearing trousers I don't care if their socks are school regulation issue or have pac men all over them.  Just don't show me.

6. I hate washing up.  So much that I'll put large inappropriate pans in the dishwasher.  Like a roasting tray that, really only takes about 5 minutes to wash if I give it a good soaking.  Instead I let it take up too much space in the dishwasher and throw around all sorts of nasty leftover roast bits which stick to the other dishes.  Then I take out the roast dish, put the rest of the load on for a second time and wash the roasting tray by hand.  But I never learn.  I'm like a goldfish in this regard.

7. I can read a book in the shower and wash my hair without getting the book hardly wet at all. (That's not really a housekeeping fail, more of a party trick that it would be very inappropriate to perform at any party, so I'm getting it out there while I can).

8. Sometimes my husband gets kids leftovers in his lunchbox.

9. No matter what I do, what products I use, what receptacle I put it in, I cannot soak stains out of clothes.  Especially chocolate milk and chocolate paddle pop.  Sometimes preen works, but mostly not.

10. Whenever my children wear a new shirt for the first time, if it is white or of a pale colour, the first thing they will eat will always be a chocolate milk or a chocolate paddle pop.

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Yep, that's just the beginning.  But I'll get depressed at my sheer uselessness if I'm forced to face any more.

Anyone got any fails they wish to share?