Monday, 13 August 2012

A conversation between myself and myself.

Sad uneaten cruskit.
SCENE: It's lunchtime in the office of The Wordsmith.

Me: I'm hungry

Me: Ok, let's have lunch

Me: 3 Cruskits, avocado, felafel and tomato?

Me: Yep

Sound of munching.

Me: Gee they were good, can I have another?

Me: Nope.

Me: Awww why not??

Me: Because three is enough.

Me: Just one more *pleading*?

Me: Oh for goodness sakes, stop whinging, here, have another cruskit with hommous.

Me: Mmm that was good, can I have another?

Me: Nope

Me: Oh come on, the cruskits are diet ones.  What about another felafel? They're like, vegetarian or something.  

Me: You've done nothing but eat since Friday night. I let you have some sneaky leftover soft cheese on your cruskits that you didn't mention above and now what?!  You're just never happy are you?

Me: It's just really yummy.

Me: Haven't you got something better to do?  Why don't you go and write something for fuck's sake? That's your job remember, not eater, copywriter.

Me: Yeah, but it's so long til I can eat the kids leftovers.  It's like, 5 hours.

Me: Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that. We can't do that anymore.

Me: WHAT!!!

Me: Nope, it's just making us enormous, and sluggish, and summer's coming.

Me: So what am I supposed to do then, just leave the bits they don't eat?  Put them in the bin?  What a waste!

Me: Yep.

Me: That's so harsh.

Me: And I may as well tell you while we're having this conversation, after dinner you can't have two mini Twirls and a row of Cadbury rocky road.  You have to have a diet hot chocolate.

Me: .....

Me: I'm sorry but you just can't keep going with all this chocolate consumption.  It's bad for your skin too.

Me: Oh for fuck's sake.

Me: Look, why don't you have a cup of tea, that's a nice writerly thing to do.  And if you're hungry later, you can have a carrot.

Me: A carrot.

Me: Yep.

Me: dead silence.

Is anyone else having arguments like these with themselves? I have them EVERY day.